What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
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