"I heard some dictator wants to move the Earth further from the sun."
"Why??"
"Because it will take longer to make a full revolution."
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Do you know what is the favorite key of the astronauts?
The Spacebar.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter… has the letter i.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
I thought about studying the astronomy for my university. But then I thought, I would just be taking up space.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party
They planet.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
How do astronauts cook their meals?
With a Space Heater!
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
My dads astronaut friend ate pizza in space
He said it was out of this world.
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
They Apollogize
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.