My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.