Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What does a house wear?
Address.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.