What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Don't fork-get your manners.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
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