Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
You mermake me happy.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
You mermaid to go far.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
You are shrimply the best!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.