If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What do you call someone that's hungry for some cuddles?
Hugry.
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apoca-lips.
I pitcher us together forever.
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
Whenever two vegetarians fall in love, you know that’s going to be a great pear. Now lettuce celebrate, because we all love vegetables.
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One thing you never want to do is divorce a butcher.
That would be a huge missed steak.
when I’m with you.
Why were the melon lovers sad?
Because they cantaloupe.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
If you get married out on sea or in a boat...
is that a row-mance?
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
Did you hear Harry’s girlfriend left him for Keith?
Yeah, she was always telling the poor guy to Harry up, turns out she found someone who could Keith better.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
I’m soy
into you.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
I cannoli be happy
Or maybe it’s baseball players because they’re so great at hitting it off.
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
You octopi my thoughts.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.
You're one in a melon.
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
Why is it so hard for people with asthma to have exciting dates?
The last thing you want is someone to take your breath away!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
"I'm nuts about you."
Owl always love you.
We make a great pear
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she gave me a hug!!!
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
You're my purr-son.
My wife and were on the sofa and I lean in for a cuddle.
She says: "careful I'm holding a tea!"
And I say: "and I'm holding you, so I guess we're both holding letters of the alphabet"
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