How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.