My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.