What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues