I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Long thyme no see.
We’re mint to be.
I’m kind of a big dill.
It’s party thyme.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I’m very frond of you.
Let me plant one on ya!
You’re unbeleafable.
I’ll never leaf you.
I’m rooting for you!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Have you botany plants lately?
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
One more thyme.
I beg your garden?
In on the ground flora.