I beg your garden?
In the eyes of the lawn.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Long thyme no see.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
That’s a bit mulch.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Have you botany plants lately?
All clover the world.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Leaf me alone.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
Ants in your plants.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
I’m rooting for you!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Your good weed for the day.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Seed between the lines.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Let me plant one on ya!
I’m very frond of you.
One more thyme.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
I beg your garden?
We’re mint to be.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
It’s party thyme.