A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
It’s party thyme.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Leaf me alone.
That’s a bit mulch.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
We’re mint to be.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Have you botany plants lately?
All clover the world.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I beg your garden?
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
I’m kind of a big dill.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
In the eyes of the lawn.
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