Your good weed for the day.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
I beg your garden?
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Seed between the lines.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Let me plant one on ya!
I’m rooting for you!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
We’re mint to be.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
In on the ground flora.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
It’s party thyme.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Ants in your plants.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Go to BabaMail
