What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.