I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I couldn't chair less!
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Nothing really mattress.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
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