What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I couldn't chair less!
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
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