I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Nothing really mattress.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
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