Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
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