How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Nothing really mattress.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
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