There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I couldn't chair less!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
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