I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I couldn't chair less!
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
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