Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock in a pestilential prison with a life-long lock, awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper with a big, black block.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
You mermaid to go far.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
Lawyer: "Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?"
Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination."
(Taken from an actual trial)
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Where my prose at?
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
“You’re my soul Santa.”
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Go to BabaMail
