Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
I’ll never leaf you.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
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