How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Don’t worry, beer happy.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
“Santa owes a lot to his little helpers. You might say he’s an elf-made man.”
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels just right.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
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