How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Shake your shamrocks.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
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