How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession?
“Howdy, pardoner!”
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
How Rudolf you to say that!
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.
What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
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