Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Q: What does the tiger use to brush his mane?
A: A catacomb.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
I love you and I ain’t lion.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Go to BabaMail
