If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
"Having a good hare day."
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
What's a fetus's favorite craft?
Embryoidery.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
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