What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
If you want a loyal marriage, get hitched to a basketball player. He will never pass you, rather he will keep you all to himself.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
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