How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Readers do it between the covers (or alternately, readers do it between the sheets).
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Why did the old woman fall into the well?
Because she couldn’t see that well.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
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