There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
It's ice to meet you.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Oh autumn, please don't ever leaf me again.
Mother knows best, and when winter comes, Mother Nature snows best.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
I got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters.
It was grounds for dismissal.
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
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