There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
This is snow laughing matter!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What do you call an overweight alien?
An extra cholesterol.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Up to snow good.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
The abdominal snowman is just a snowman with a six-pack.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
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