Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Readers do it by the book.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
Go to BabaMail
