What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
We’re calling your number.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do zombies use to color their hair?
Dye of the dead!
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Have you heard of the martial artists who fought on the beach?
They faced off in sand-to-sand combat.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
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