What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
"Some bunny loves you."
Octopus ocular optics.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
They say that you can spike a volleyball. But you can never take away its dig-nity.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
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