The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Let me plant one on ya!
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Summer is here, so I’m moving all of my bad habits outside.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Super-duper storm troopers whoop it up at Death Star groupers: helmet thrashing, rebel bashing, laser blasting at party poopers.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - she woke up.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
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