What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
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