My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
“Did you know that the Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a
bit?”
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
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