What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Salty but sweet.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state-of-the-art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They're calling it Mercedes-clenz.
What did the father say to his falling son?
Son, you've got potential.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Does February like March?
No, but April May.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans
He really is the king of pop
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why did the other volleyball team bow? Because they heard that the queens of the court were there.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
"Some bunny loves you."
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