Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
It's lit.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
Don’t be elfish.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Something’s goat to give.
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
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