I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm.
He's their CIEIO.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
Have you heard of the martial artists who fought on the beach?
They faced off in sand-to-sand combat.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I’m fondue you.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
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