What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Books are my kind of texts.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Thin grippy thick slippery.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
I feel pretty shore this is going to be the best summer yet.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
Wish upon a starfish.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
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