If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
We've reached the point of snow return.
You're so clover!
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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