Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
"Bone to be wild."
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Leaf me alone.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
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