There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
You are aged to perfection.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
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