A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Prepare to be bowled over.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
My Wife is leaving me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
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How does a german cowboy say hi?
Audi.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
This vacation has been sand-sational!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
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