I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
You’re turtle-ly awesome.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
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