Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Snow on and snow forth.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
It's a-boat time we took a vacation!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
"You're the wine that I want."
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee.
But no, I was charged $30 a pop.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
There are two people who both claim to live in the building where Shakespeare wrote Romeo & Juliet. They should put a plaque on both their houses.
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies"
I replied, "Tell him he's very good at it as well. I don't have any kids."
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
I took my wife out on a date to the ice rink, as entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
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