What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Books are my kind of texts.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I only like smooth leather
and my opinion will never be suede.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Biology - It grows on you.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
I cannoli be happy
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
Poor white splash.
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