I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Yeah, they’re green with envy.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
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