Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Something’s goat to give.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?
An ariel assault.
Drink happy thoughts.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What do you call a cat from Italy?
Spacatti.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word “the” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...
"Your los."
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
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