Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
We’re mint to be.
Autumn brings re-leaf from the heat.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
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