A small step for cyan, a giant leap for bluemanity.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
When you meet someone, you don't want to get off to a bad art!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I went to a mansion but everyone had bad etiquette.
It was a Bad Manor.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
"For peep's sake."
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Summer's over; it's time to chill.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Why is winter the least popular time of year for a wedding?
Because the grooms always get cold feet!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
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