What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
Yoda one for me!
A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans
He really is the king of pop
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Drink happy thoughts.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can't see them taking off.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
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