Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your guests come over and pretend that your house is always like this.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Go to BabaMail
