What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
What time do spacemen get up? Alien in the morning.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you... I have good contacts!
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
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