What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
What is Santa's favorite breakfast food? Snow-flakes.
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall — hope you do too!
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
I was at a thrift store and the guy ahead of me was purchasing an antique urn made in Greece
He asked the cashier if she knew how much a Greek urns.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
To beer or not to beer… That is the question.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
Though my brother won the art competition, he went up to his rival and gave him the credit where it was hue!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
Keep calm and leprech-on.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
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