Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
"No wine left behind."
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Your sweater must be made out of wife material.
"I wood never leaf you."
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
What song does a painter sing when he is in truly dire straits? Monet for Nothing.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
Go to BabaMail
