We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
I’m very frond of you.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
No one can accuse this trip of being plane.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
It’s snow joke.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
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