Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
When you’re alone in Germany being approached by a group of old men
You have to fear the wurst.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
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