What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Owl always love you.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
I beg your garden?
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
"For peep's sake."
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
Take a page from the book and leaf.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
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