Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
"No sun."
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
"Time to wine down."
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
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