What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks.
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
I’m very frond of you.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Go to BabaMail
