I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
when I’m with you.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Go to BabaMail
