As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What do you call a wizard aboard a spacecraft?
A flying sorcerer.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
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