To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
The other day I was lifting weights on the bench press, when I dropped the weight and it fell on my chest. The nurse said I broke three ribs but I would live. Hearing that really lifted a weight off my chest.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Yoda one for me!
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Go to BabaMail
