What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Birch, please.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
We’re calling your number.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
A round of Santa-plause, please.
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
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