You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
Don’t moss around.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus.”
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
You octopi my thoughts.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
I whale always love you.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
The sun is just a big space heater.
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
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