What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Wife was in the hospital and the nurse said she was calling the doctor to put in an IV
When he showed up, I said to him "I thought there'd be four of you".
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
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