What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
Why isn't your daughter married? Because a gourd man is hard to find.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
You’re my soul Santa.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Go to BabaMail
