What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Every piece of you is sweet.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
You and I make a deluxe combo.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
It's ice to meet you.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
Up to snow good.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
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