Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
September and October are considered to be the best months of the year, I say this from the b-autumn of my heart.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
You’re as sweet as Pi.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
I’m elf-taught.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Hold on for deer life.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
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