What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
I enjoy the cold weather
But only to a certain degree.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
The aspiring comedian has an unbe-leaf-able collection of autumn jokes, but they are all falling flat.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
My counselor gave me a hug today
I guess I got shrinkwrapped
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
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