What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
It’s worth a shot.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
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