What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
"Just don't carrot all."
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might."
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.
The artist shouldn't have taken that sculpture for granite, now it's stone-cold.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I’ll be there in a pinch.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
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