I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Avoid pier pressure.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
Many mumbling mice are making merry music in the moonlight.
The scarecrow won an award because it had been excellent in its field.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.
It’s a no no.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
One trick peony.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Go to BabaMail
