A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
I’m very frond of you.
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
Why does Moon goes to the bank? To change his quarters.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Treat yo shelves.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
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