If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Silly sheep weep and sleep.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
A team may be talented, but there is no substitute to this, no train no gain!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
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