What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
We were mermaid for each other.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
As it snow happens.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Do you comma here often?
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
You really mermaid my day.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
Go to BabaMail
