I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
French, French Revolution
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
You’re the queen of my heart.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What do zombies use to color their hair?
Dye of the dead!
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
"Partners in wine."
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Irish cuisine is stew-pendous.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
You’re my heartthrob.
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