Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Go to BabaMail
