Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
I am cocoa-nuts about you.
"Great minds drink alike."
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
SpaceX is launching astronauts today with a new space catapult
Bringing forth a new era of crude spaceflight.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
It’s Fall coming back to me now.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
He used wrote learning.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
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