What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
When you cross summer sun with summer pun you get summer fun.
Readers do it between the covers (or alternately, readers do it between the sheets).
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
Women should not have children after 34.
Really, 34 children are enough.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle go to couples' counselling?
Because their marriage was the rocks.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans
He really is the king of pop
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Owl always love you.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
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